All people are capable of doing good. Sometimes, when we’ve done something wrong, there’s an opportunity to repair the damages – sometimes. We all make mistakes…it’s what we do in response to our errors that defines who we are as human beings.
I received a letter in the mail today. Enclosed in the envelope, along with the letter, was a crisp $100 bill. The letter read:
“Dear Sirs – Many years ago, I was something of a strange kid. One issue I had was taking lunch money from my friends’ desks in elementary school. I can’t pay them back but I’m hoping you can apply this donation to your milk budget. It’s the best I can do to give back to the community I grew up in. Sincerely, Anonymous”
To the person who wrote this letter and sent the $100: I would like to officially thank you. I cannot know what is in your heart, but I am hopeful that you can now rest easy knowing that your debt has been forgiven. The money was immediately deposited into the SOCSD School Lunch Fund – specifically the account that is designated to restore end-of-year negative balances that may accrue when students don’t have money for lunch.
The author of this letter was probably not, in his/her words, “a strange kid.” In fact, it is not uncommon for young children to lack “empathy.” As humans move from infancy to adulthood, it is normal for them to transition from a purely individual sense-of-self to a more collective sense-of-self. This is the Piagetian developmental psychology that considers basic human survival. Most of us adults are less self-absorbed than we were when we were pre-adolescents.
I had a conversation about this with our South Orangetown Middle School Assistant Principal, Dr. Chad Corey, this morning. He remarked that the person who sent this letter was taking the perspective of the people whom he or she may have hurt a long time ago. This developed perspective reflects a state of being more “others-oriented” in contrast to being purely “self-oriented.” Dr. Corey mentioned that sometimes people become more empathetic as they grow older. As a school district, we make every effort to help our students have a healthy sense of self, in both individual and collective terms. Without empathy, there can be no justice and justice is a fundamental element of a free society.
Society suffers, however, when the damage associated with a lack of basic human empathy is beyond repair and justice can’t be served – reparations can’t offset the negative balance. It is because of this, that we have a responsibility to prevent hurtful (sometimes tragic) acts from happening in the first place. October is National Bullying Prevention Month and schools and organizations across the country are encouraged to come together in an effort to educate on the impact of bullying and raise awareness for bullying prevention. Here are some great resources for parents, educators and students at: Resources to Fight Bullying and Harassment at School.
If you’d like to learn more about how you or your child can prevent or stop a hurtful or injurious situation in school, please contact the administrator or student support staff (guidance counselor, psychologist, social worker) at your child’s school. Additionally, here is the contact information in the event that your child is struggling emotionally with an issue that is related to school:
WOS
Kaitlin McSwiggan (kmcswiggan@socsd.org) (845) 680-1368
Brian Galvin (bgalvin@socsd.org) (845) 680-1324
CLE
Linda King (lking@socsd.org) | (845) 680-1554
Sean Jones (sjones@socsd.org) | (845) 680-1545
SOMS
Courtney Malka (cmalka@socsd.org) | (845) 680-1112
Stephen Sawitsky (ssawitsky@socsd.org) | (845) 680-1023
TZHS
Katelin Burns (kburns@socsd.org) | (845) 680-1613
Beth Jaret (bjaret@socsd.org) | (845) 680-1610
Every child has a right to be happy in school – let’s eliminate the emotional “negative balances” that can result from bullying and harassment, and develop a sense of empathy and justice in our schools. Let’s fix this together: Don’t believe the lie that it only gets worse when you stand up to a bully. The lie that the bully wants you to believe is that it will get worse if you stand up for yourself…that there will be retaliation. This is how a bully maintains power over a victim. The truth is that it ALWAYS gets better when you stand up for justice – even though it may get a little worse in the short term. Working together is the best way to put an end to bullying and harassment. Together We Can.